by Maitiú Charleton
My boyfriend was into stealthing. I kept forgetting.
Maybe it was because I wasn’t into it. Maybe I hadn’t seen the right porn. Maybe it was because my other boyfriend had so many kinks it felt like keeping track of both of their needs was gratuitous or unrealistic.
“Please, let’s just do it this time.”
“Ok,” I’d say, knowing I’d get bored and do it wrong.
“So I’ll give you the condom yeah and you can just-”
“Take it off without telling you. Got it babe.”
And then we would have sex. I don’t think he ever realised the moment I was taking it off. I think he just played his favourite porn in his head while we fucked and that was good enough for him.
Kinkier boyfriend had watched this event twice now. The first time he had gotten really into it, tried to kiss stealthing boyfriend even though they didn’t get along. The second time, he connected to the JBL’s Bluetooth and began playing circuit party music. Stealthing boyfriend was like, really into it, I think he pretended to G out. And I just kept thinking about that Rihanna song for the Smurfs movie.
“Why don’t you take my kinks seriously?”
“I do babe.” My phone beeped, paying for his vape.
“You’re actually quite a selfish top low-key.”
He said it with total comedy but I was feeling resentful of his vape so I decided to turn it into an issue for the day. Once kinky boyfriend arrived for dinner: “Guess who called me a selfish top?”
After I had eaten him out: “I wonder whether a selfish top would do that.”
It was like this. I was the hinge, they never engaged with each other. They were friends/friendly. Not each other’s type. Different politics. Stealth, needless to say, was a centrist who got too much of his ideological identity affirmation from his vegetarianism. Kink was one of those sex punks who felt right wing if you were stupid or didn’t give him enough time of day. So I was confused when they began flirting. Kissing was different. Everyone kisses.
But when Kink showed Stealth his Rent.men profile, when they laughed at some sort of inside joke without me, I was like: oh. Honestly, I was ready to walk in on them with their legs draped over each other, tying
daisies into each other’s beards or something. I told myself I was ready to walk in on them sucking each other’s dicks.
But I wasn’t really. It was stealthing that they were discussing. Doing a demo of. It seemed kind of hot. Though it would make sense for me to find my boyfriends fucking hot. I’m not sure. I closed the door and went to my room before they noticed me.
I had a Zoom meeting.